How To Survive German Public Transportation

You can go to Germany and beat public transportation, or you can walk home. Germans were trained a at very young age how to triumph in a battle versus urban transportation and therefore catching up to lifers is no easy task. Lucky for you though, after almost 6 months in Germany and given my amazing observational skills and street smarts, I have mastered the art in 1/18 of the time a normal German probably takes. So I am here help you, because I am the most qualified. (Also you are just an average peasant and need my awesome advice and skills.) This is, 'How to Survive German Public Transportation':

1. Types of Transportation: The first thing you need to realize is that there are more than one option for getting from place to place. Theres the S-bahn, L-bahn, the U-bahn and the T-bahn. There are also buses.

2. How to get a ticket: Next you need figure out where you can acquire your ticket. On the buses the driver sells you the ticket. Or if you're like me you'll already have a bus card cause your special and the world loves you.

3. Attention: You always must be watching for when your bus/train comes. This is because you need to be one of the first people on the bus/train so you can get a "cool" seat, cause if you're late and you don't get a "cool" seat what are people going to think of you, ya know. (The back of the bus is still where it's at.)

4. The Eyes: NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO NEVER BREAK EYE CONTACT! This one is important, the whole entire train or bus ride you must always be looking someone directly in the eyes. It's like saying "Hey, we're riding this bus/train and we are both going some where, I'm probably going somewhere better than you, but hey we are in this together now, ya know. Like we just got on this bus/train and we're like connected now, ya know, like we understand each other." Just whatever you do don't look out the window or at your phone.

5. Anatomy: Now you also need to freshen up your memory on the body parts. More specifically speaking the elbow. Once you have located the elbows on each arm you are going to want to make a 90 degree angle at your elbows and practice swinging randomly in areas around you. I can't explain why this is important but you will find out when the time comes.

6. STOP: On all of the buses there are little red buttons with 'STOP' printed on them. These are used for when someone on the bus breaks eye contact. This is very important because when the person breaks eye contact you MUST press the STOP button so he/she can be properly removed from the vehicle.

7. Snap a picture: The final step to having a successful bus/train ride is to always snap a picture! (Just don't break eye contact.)

 Swagyyyyyyyyyy

Like I said you can beat public transportation or you can walk home.

Tschüss

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